i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
