i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
