Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
