Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
