i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
