Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
