I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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