I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
