WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
