Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had to coat check the pizza.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
