What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
