I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
