Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
