So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
