There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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