I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
