it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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