wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
