Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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