Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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