You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
