I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
