i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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