i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
