Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
