I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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