Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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