It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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