She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
