She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
