so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
