I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
