I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
