you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
