On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
