Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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