I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
