Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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