Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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