Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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