we have officially lost it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
