Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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