Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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