don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
