Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
