Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
