All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
