I just cut my nipple shaving
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
