Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
