I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
