I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
