It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
