it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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