Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
